Just Go, Never Look Back
by KairiM
Summary: Ashley has no idea what her life really holds for her until she packs up her life and moves to LA. Will anyone show the teenager what she's really been missing?
1. Chapter 1

It's been a long time since I've been on Fanfiction properly, and I've still got two stories on here that I need to complete, so it's probably not a good idea for me to create a new one but I couldn't help myself. I've had the idea for this story in my head for a while now and when I started writing it, it just flowed easily so I'm hoping it might be something that you guys will enjoy. It is definitely an AU story but it still has our two favourite girls' in it :)

So it begins with Ashley living in England, it's just so you guys get a feel of what her life is like. So please, let me know what you think of the first chapter and I will get the next up as soon as possible. I know it isn't much but I hope you like it.

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><p>Chapter 1 – Introduction<p>

Have you ever had that feeling that no matter how hard you try, you just can't seem to hold onto even momentary happiness? Every strand of optimism and hope slip through your fingers like angel hair and is instead replaced by unbreakable ropes of confusion. I've been there; in fact I'm a common customer around these parts. Why? You ask. Well, because I'm the girl who never feels satisfied with any path I take. I can't even hold onto the finest strands, the simplest concoctions of happiness, like I'm allergic to such a feeling. And no, before you begin to think that I'm some miserable girl who is ungrateful for everything, you're wrong. I'm not unhappy with my life, only certain aspects of it. It's hard to find the words to explain without making myself seem like a miserable cow. I'm just your average teenager who lives in a small town in England, living with a family who I have no respect for and friends who couldn't give a shit about anyone but themselves, oh, and who they might be fucking at the time.

Average life, and that's the problem because with an average life you get average people, and the people around me are arrogant whilst I'm softer than a goddamn sponge cake.

Have you ever found yourself wishing that you could just stop yourself from caring because the people around you are not even worth your breath? Yet, you just can't stop yourself from listening to their problems and offering your best advice just for them to ignore it and then they purposefully ignore you when you need someone to confide in. Yeah, I'm with you there too, nearly every goddamn day of my life. But none of this truly bothers me anymore. I know how to deal with everyone else's bullshit except my own. Everyone has a dream, and everyone tries in vain to chase their dreams. I wasn't chasing mine because I wasn't allowed; I was too busy just trying to be the "perfect" daughter. I'm going for the comfortable (more like simple) life, the life that would make me and my family look good, the only cost being my happiness. I've always put everyone before myself, hence why I'm a fucking doormat.

Recently, I feel lost. One minute I'm excited about something, the next it completely vanishes, like the feeling never existed. I guess that's because I'm used to only feeling happy about something when I've been told that I'm allowed to feel that way. I don't get excited because it quickly gets taken away, being replaced by something which is apparently supposed to make it all better. It never did.

I have a dream, and it's to get the hell away from this place.

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><p>So, thoughts and opinions please leave them in a review :)<p> 


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you to the few of you who added this story to their Story Alert, and thank you to pati1996, who left a review. I wasn't really expecting a response from the first chapter as it was incredibly short and didn't really explain anything, but hopefully this one might be a bit better. So please let me know what you think about it, and whether or not I should continue writing. It'll be extremely appreciated :)**

Chapter 2

I exited the main building with a large smile on my face and a skip in my step. I had officially finished college with pretty damn good grades to show for it, I could finally stop worrying.

The sky above me was as clear and blue as the ocean, and the sun hung at midpoint, showering us in delicious rays of heat. This was impressive considering how temperamental British weather could be. I peeled off my leather jacket and stuffed it into my messenger bag, leaving me standing in a white strap top and black denim shorts. I shook my hair out of my face as I slipped my aviator shades up the bridge of my nose, long brown curls falling over my bare shoulders. I loved summer; it was something we did not get enough of.

I made my way towards the car park where I knew I'd find my best friend, I couldn't wait to tell her that I was definitely going to Oxford university. This was the step to independence that I had been waiting for my entire life.

My name is Ashley. I would give you my surname but I didn't actually know it, not my real one anyway. I was adopted as a baby, and my adoptive parents made me take their last name because well, as a baby I couldn't exactly protest. But let's stop talking about my parents before it dampens my good mood.

I found my friends' hovering around in the car park, talking and congratulating our other class mates, some of who looked as happy as I felt and others, not so much. I spotted Aiden and Madison within the group.

"Hey guys!" I called out, waving as they all turned to look at me. Madison detached herself from Aiden's waist and ran up to me, throwing her arms around me.

"How did you do?" We asked simultaneously, causing us to laugh. We handed each other our results papers, both looking down in silence as we read the other's grades. I beamed at seeing that Madison had gotten all A's and B's.

"A*? Damn girl, who did you pay to sit your exams?" Madison teased, earning a soft punch in the arm.

"You did great, Mads! I'm so pleased for you." I pulled my best friend into another hug, squeezing her lightly.

"Thanks, so are you off to Oxford then?"

"Definitely. There is no way in hell that I'm staying in this shit hole." I exclaimed, smiling at the thought of finally getting away. Madison grinned and linked her arm through mine, pulling us back towards the group.

"You better miss me when you're there being your nerdy self."

Madison and I had been friends since Secondary School and were practically inseparable, even when people in our school began to avoid me when I came out about liking girls'. She was a bit weird about it at first but she soon came around, nothing ever came between our friendship long enough to cause any damage. Whilst I was off to Oxford to study Literature, Madison was going to London to attend one of the best performing arts schools in the entire country. She was a bloody amazing dancer, and the fact that she was Latina only went into her favour.

"You know I will!" I assured her because I knew I would.

Before either of us could say anything else, Aiden joined us and wrapped his arms around his girlfriend's waist, pressing a kiss to her hair before smiling down at me. I returned it tightly.

"How did you do Ash?" He asked with far too much enthusiasm for my liking.

Aiden was a good friend; in fact he was a best friend until he made everything awkward between the three of us. He and Madison had been dating for nearly two years now but he used to want me, and badly. He never had a chance because even if I was straight, I wasn't interested in him. Don't get me wrong, Aiden's cute and his body was impressive, but he was like a brother to me. It was such a cliché thing to say, but it was true. However, Madison had always had a crush on Aiden, but until this time he had always rejected her because he was hoping I'd "come around." Yeah right.

Aiden was a great guy and he loved Madison dearly but she was paranoid that he still wanted me. It probably didn't help since we had both caught him checking me out on countless occasions, hence the awkwardness. He had put the largest strain upon our friendship.

"Great, I'm definitely going to Oxford. What about you?" I had to stop myself from rolling my eyes at the way his face fell at the mention of Oxford. He hated that I was going so far, what a shame.

"Oh, well that's great. I'm proud of you." He said, sounding anything but pleased. I instantly noticed the pissed off look that crossed over Madison's face, I knew this wasn't about to go down well.

"So you're proud of her but not your girlfriend? I'm out of here." She spat, her voice filled with hurt and anger. She didn't even glance at me as she barged past; I tried and failed to stop her.

"Mads, baby don't be like that. You know I'm proud of you!" He called out but made no attempt to go after her. I glared at him.

"She would like to hear it, asshole!" I growled. "Madison, please he didn't mean it!"

Madison stopped abruptly before turning on her heel to face us. Her jaw was set as she fixed a glare in our direction.

"Of course he meant it; he always does when it comes to you. God, why don't you two just start dating already?" She spun around and continued to stride away from us.

I laughed in disbelief. "I don't know, perhaps because I'm gay!" I yelled after her but Madison had nothing more to say. I glared up at Aiden who was doing nothing to go and comfort his girlfriend.

"Why are you still doing this, Aiden? Madison thinks the world of you. Even if I was straight I would never date you, so get over it and get over me." I left him looking at me with sad and hopeful eyes and headed over to my car, a black Audi A4. I got inside and started the engine before Aiden finally pulled his head out of his ass and chased after Madison.

I sighed and banged my head against the steering wheel before pulling out of the car park. This was happening far too often for my liking. Whenever Madison was mad at Aiden, she instantly blamed and took it out on me, but as soon as everything was fine between them again, she'd treat me as if nothing happened. I know, some best friend she was.

I drove straight home because my good mood had been knocked down, no surprise there. I groaned as I saw my parent's car in the driveway, which unfortunately meant that they were home and they were certainly the last people I wanted to see. As you've probably figured, I did not get on with my adoptive parents; it started when I found out the truth. During an argument with my mum, she blurted out about my adoption within the heat of the moment, but it was all it took to send my world crashing down. Finding out when I was fourteen that they had been lying to me my entire life wasn't exactly an easy thing to deal with, and they wouldn't even tell me about my biological parents. It had been nearly five years since that day and they still wouldn't tell me about them, not even their last names. I lost my faith in them and all respect along with it. They broke my heart and things had never been the same since. I came out a year later about my sexuality, mum and dad did not approve but they had no room to complain because they knew I'd bring up the lies. I didn't hate my parents, sometimes I wished that I could because it would have made things so much simpler on my part, some things just can't be fixed once the damage is done.

I grabbed my bag once I parked in the driveway and stepped out of the car, fishing the keys out of the tiny pockets on my shorts. I opened the front door and was greeted by the sound of my parents laughing at something on the TV. The sound no longer brought me comfort; in fact it only irritated me. I closed the door quietly and quickly ran up the stairs to my bedroom, hoping that they hadn't heard me come in. I just wanted to be left alone until later when everyone goes out to celebrate results day. I was mad at Madison but I knew she'd come around, and by the end of the night we'd all be sat in the pub having a celebratory drink. God knows I could do with a drink now.

I collapsed onto my double bed and groaned in relief as I sunk straight into the soft duvet and pillows. I had been worrying so much last night that I barely slept, and I was not good when I was deprived of sleep.

Once I was in my sanctuary, I felt myself beginning to relax. My room was my private place where no one came to disturb me and it wasn't filled with anyone's negativity. It was a simple room with a cream carpet and cream painted walls, which were covered by a few band posters. I had a small bookshelf beside my bed which was filled with all sorts of books. A desk where I kept my laptop was placed in the right hand corner of the room, keeping it out of the way of everything else. My room was fairly big so it was easy for it to keep all of my belongings in there without it getting too crowded. In the other corner of the room next to my bed was where I kept my beloved black acoustic guitar – a Gibson - on its stand and my red electric fender sat beside the amp not too far away from it. Music was my hobby and my passion, one that I had never pursued even though I was bloody good at it. I loved literature in the form of writing novels, lyrics and poetry. If I needed to relax, I'd find comfort and release from doing either one. However, proud were my parents and music was a path that they never wanted to follow, so me being the good child decided to keep them happy by doing something of which they approved. Perhaps that was the reason why I never felt happy with anything. I was only excited for Oxford because freedom called to me.

I closed my eyes and released a deep breath, feeling the stress from earlier leave my body as I settled into the calm environment. Madison would eventually chill out and things would return to normal, we'd enjoy however long we had left together before going our separate ways. That was the plan. Then I could finally live my life the way I wanted to.

I awoke after a few hours after I accidentally fell into a peaceful slumber, feeling a bit better than I had before. I rolled onto my side and grabbed my mobile phone from my bedside cabinet, pressing the button to illuminate the screen. Upon seeing that I had no new messages or missed calls from Madison, I rolled my eyes and slammed it back down with a huff. Cue the bad mood. She obviously hadn't gotten her panties out of a twist yet. After contemplating for a few minutes, I decided to text her.

**Hey, are you okay? Are we still going out tonight? X**

Ten minutes passed and no response. I resisted the urge to throw my phone and grabbed my acoustic guitar instead. My fingers found their rightful place on the strings and I played a calming melody. I smiled and closed my eyes, letting the sound consume me as it always did, I could always find a happy place even in the most chaotic times for as long as I had my guitar. If my life and future involved making and playing music, forever would I be happy.

I wasn't sure how long I lost myself within the music but I almost didn't hear the vibrations of my phone as it alerted me to a message. I reluctantly placed my guitar back onto its stand before I grabbed my phone, revealing a text from Madison. My smile soon faded as I read its contents.

**I'm fine, soz about earlier. I'm staying in with Aiden tonight but we'll go out soon.**

That was it. No kisses, no reasonable explanation, nothing. Pathetically, I felt myself wanting to cry in frustration. We had planned this night from the moment this year started, how could she just bail on me now?

Because she'd rather fuck Aiden, I thought to myself, clenching my teeth in anger.

I didn't even dignify it with a response, it wasn't worth one. This was the shit that I had to put up with, had always put up with. I had said it before and I'd say it again, some 'best friend' she was. I loved Madison to bits but I knew her friendship meant more to me than mine meant to her, and it was a sad thought to acknowledge. As harsh as it was for me to say, our temperamental friendship and her unpredictable moods were one of the reasons why I needed to get away. I'd miss her like hell but she wasn't the girl I used to know; now it was always up to me to make the effort, and save our friendship when it was on the edge. It shouldn't be like that but who was I to say anything, I was just her underdog.

But to hell with it, if Madison wanted to be lame and stay in on a chance to drink and celebrate, she could get on with it. However, there was no way that I was going to do the same. There were plenty of people who I could still have a good time with, I was fortunate that Madison wasn't the only friend who I felt comfortable going out with. I guess I had prepared myself for the end of our friendship a long time ago.

So with that thought in mind, I hopped off of my bed and threw open the wardrobe doors, ready to pick out a hot outfit and make sure I had a damn good night to remember.

**So what did you think? R&R please, should I continue? :)**


	3. Chapter 3

**This chapter is longer than the first two, and it's a bit dramatic but it's to get the story going. A big thank you to those of you who reviewed and added this story to their alerts/favourites, it really means a lot to me that you think this story has potential, so I'm most definitely not going to give up on it :) I don't know when the next chapter will be up because of work but I have already written it, so it shouldn't be too long of a wait. I apologise in advance for any mistakes, I haven't had time to proof read it properly. Please let me know what you think of this chapter because it keeps me motivated and it might just make me a little bit too happy! ;D **

Chapter 3

Last night went to plan and I woke up with a throbbing headache in the base of my skull. However, I couldn't help but smile because it was certainly worth it. I met up with some of my college friends and we started out by going to our friend Sean's house, where we got the party going with a round of drinks and a sneaky spliff before we hit the pubs in town, enhancing our buzz with a few more drinks until the temptation of the thriving clubs became irresistible, and we spent the night drinking and dancing. Let's just say that I was pretty smashed by the end of the night. God knows how I managed to sneak back into the house without my parents slaughtering me. They were anti-party people, boo!

Madison sure missed out on a good night, bitch hadn't even text me. I could almost feel her jealousy even now when she eventually sees the photos on Facebook, she'd never admit it but I knew she'd be pissed off at me for going without her. In fact we all intended on going out tonight as well but I wasn't going to even bother contacting Madison this time, I wasn't going to make the effort twice.

I revelled at the silence that consumed my house, and once again I was glad for the fact that both of my parents worked. I still had plenty of time before they were due to come home, so I could easily get rid of the hangover that was mildly niggling me. There was nothing worse than having your parents moan at you when your head felt like it was about to split open from every slight sound, and the urge to vomit over their shoes as they towered over you in their attempt of interrogation. But joy to the world, I had the house to myself to do whatever I pleased.

First off, I jumped into the blistering hot shower, and I sighed with relief as each droplet scorched my tanned skin, turning it a raging scarlet. The steamy heat released the tension from my tired body and soothed my aching head. Once I was refreshed, I dressed in comfortable clothes, fixed myself up some lunch and decided to watch some TV for a while. However, after flicking through the music channels about ten times, I gave up and returned to my bedroom.

I grabbed my electric guitar and plugged it into the amplifier. It wasn't often that I got to play out loud so I took advantage of it by turning the volume up until the sound waves vibrated through the walls. For ages I was able to lose myself in different melodies as my fingers danced expertly across the strings. I played for so long that I actually managed to make my fingers sore, which I thought was pretty impressive to say the least. I didn't even hear the front door open and close as my parents returned home until my bedroom door flew open, revealing my flustered mother.

"Ashley, turn that down now!" She screeched, trying with all her might to be heard over the music, which was almost impossible. I flattened my hand against the strings to stop the vibrations and leaned forward to switch the amp off. I watched her as she visibly relaxed.

"Sorry, didn't realise the time." I said simply. Although it was a lie, I couldn't be bothered to hear her complaining.

My mother's name was Sarah Dixon and she was now the age of forty-two, though she didn't quite look it. She was about 5"5 in height and she was slim with small curves that could only be enhanced by her clothes. Her hair was thin, light brown and fell straight into a small bob that reached her jawline. Me, I was only slightly shorter in height but I was slim with curves that girls' were jealous of, and muscles that they couldn't help but run their fingers over. My hair was thick, dark brown and curled naturally. My eyes were a chestnut brown whereas mums were hazel, and dads were a typical dull blue. An obvious difference was our skin tones. Mum was a typical pasty white girl who would only burn in the sun, but I had naturally tanned skin, and god did I love it. Mum had calm facial features, making her look sweet and subtle. I had piercing eyes with high cheekbones, a defined jawline and a straight white smile. I could easily pull off the 'good girl' appearance, but there was something about the way I looked that just made me seem rebellious. The horns were there to hold the halo up.

Not only were our features different but our personalities clashed. Upon discovering my adoption, these things that I once never noticed now screamed out at me, rubbing their betrayal in my face.

"You don't need to have it so loud, Ashley. Have some consideration for the neighbours." Came her oh so predictable speech that occurred whenever I played my guitar. I struggled to resist the urge to roll my eyes

"Sorry." I muttered, hoping that she would just leave me alone. However, I wasn't so fortunate.

"Your father and I want to speak to you downstairs." She gave me a quick smile before closing the door. Once I heard the living room door close, I groaned in dismay. I was reluctant to go, their conversations only ever ended up leaving me feeling angry or disappointed. I could only hope that they were finally going to ask about my results since they blatantly forgot about it yesterday.

I waited for a few minutes before heading downstairs to get the inevitable conversation out of the way. I opened the living room door and mum and dad turned to look at me, both smiling. Mum patted the space beside her on the sofa, indicating for me to sit. I did so hesitantly, suddenly feeling anxious.

"What's up?" I asked nonchalantly as though I was unfazed by their sudden proposal to talk.

"How did you do in your results?" Mum asked straight up, taking control of the conversation as always. Though I relaxed, at least this was all they wanted to know.

"I did great." I said proudly. "A*'s in English and Media, and A's in Maths and History."

My parents beamed at me, as if they expected (or accepted) nothing less from their "perfect daughter" but were they really surprised when they forced me into being a smart, top student. It still amazed me even to this day how I wasn't a school nerd, for which I was incredibly grateful.

"We want to discuss your plans for University." Mum said, taking me by surprise.

"I've already been accepted at Oxford, that's where I want to go." I said for what felt like the millionth time. Mum and dad glanced at each other, and suddenly I didn't feel so good about this conversation again.

"We know you do Ashley, but your mum and I would rather it if you didn't go so far." Dad explained slowly like he was talking to a five year old instead of an almost nineteen year old. Mum quickly spoke up before I could protest.

"We'd rather it if you went to Cambridge University, that way you could still stay here. We called them the other day and they still have a few places." Mum said gleefully and looked at me with hopeful eyes, like she expected me to share her enthusiasm. I was going to do anything but, I was ready to explode.

"No!" I practically shouted, making them jump. "I want to go to Oxford, I always have and you know that!"

"We know you do honey." Mum sighed and shook her head, like this decision was so incredibly hard on her. "But moving that far away won't be good for you; you've never lived away from home before."

If she thought that was a good enough reason to make me stay and once again break and bend to their every command then she had another thing coming. They had controlled every little aspect of my life but not this; they couldn't do this to me. I clenched my fists and grounded my teeth so hard that they might crumble from the pressure. The entire of my body shook as I tried to keep myself calm.

"But that's exactly why I need to go; I can't live at home forever. This is going to prepare me for the future when I finally do move out. Mum, please!" In any other situation, I'd rather be caught dead than beg to anyone but I couldn't accept this. Apparently neither could Mum as her facial expression hardened in annoyance.

"Ashley, you're not getting your own way with this. We know what's best for you and that is to go to University here. Stop making such a huge fuss over this."

That was it, I cracked. I stood up so fact that I didn't even have time to acknowledge what I had just done. My chest was heaving with ragged breaths and unshed tears burned my eyes. A huge fuss? Get my own way? How dare she. Had I been living in a different fucking universe these past eighteen years? I bowed to her every word, I did the entire thing that she wanted me to do, sacrificing my own happiness just to make her proud of me. I could have taken a whole different route in my life but I didn't, I let HER get her own way. I let her plan out my every move but we agreed that university was my choice, and my choice alone. For once in my life, I wanted to throw a tantrum.

"I'm eighteen years old, university is my choice! This is my goddamn future mum, I'm not staying here. I'm going to Oxford." I shouted the word with a sigh. I had finally stood my ground and it felt good. Mum glared at me and Dad looked uncomfortable, he didn't know how to hold an argument and therefore avoided them by backing down. Neither of them spoke for a while and my hopes were high that I had actually won. But that was until…

"Then we're not paying for it."

Why was it that the world felt the need to go against you, even with something that was supposed to make your life? I couldn't do anything but stare at my mother within my mouth hanging wide open. The tears of anger that I tried to hold back now turned to despair, and they trickled freely down my cheeks. I felt as though someone had just kicked me in the stomach. I was gutted, there were no other words to describe how I was feeling. I tried to swallow but my throat felt tight, and it hurt from resisting the urge to properly cry.

"Mum, that isn't fair." I choked out. How could the sight before her not upset her, and make her want to reconsider? Did my happiness really mean so little?

All she did was shrug her shoulders. "I'm sorry Ashley but I'm paying a lot of money for you to go to university and I want to see that you'll appreciate it by not being nearly a hundred miles away."

I couldn't even muster a protest so I turned towards Dad, pleading with my eyes. He smiled at me, his eyes filled with sympathy.

"Sorry Ash but your mum's right. We only want what is best for you."

Oh how bloody cliché of you father, I screamed in my head.

I couldn't believe that this was happening; I couldn't bear to even look at them with their taunting eyes. The happiness I had felt before had been crushed along with every other form of hope. I turned on my heel and fled the room, ignoring their calls as I sprinted out of the front door and down to my car. I wasn't sure where I was going but I couldn't be in that house for any longer. I couldn't endure their presence when all they ever did was hurt me over and over, in one way or another.

I drove to an empty field about half a mile out of town; it was where I once went camping with my friends. I parked under a tree and cut the engine, hopping out of the driver's seat and taking the newly brought four pack of beer with me. I did not intend to get drunk since I had to drive home but I did need to calm down.

The air outside had a chill to it but I felt refreshing and pleasant, especially as it breathed against my bare skin. I was still in my black shorts and a long sleeved American styled t-shirt, I was lucky that the cold didn't really affect me. I pushed myself up onto the hood of my car and led back against the windscreen. For a few minutes I did nothing but stare into the emptiness before me, it was dark outside and the blackness covered the horde of trees from my view. But that didn't bother me as I looked up to the obsidian sky. The moon hung quietly like a glistening orb as it showered the world in rays of pure white light, making the outline of the field look mysterious and almost eerie, but I found it soothing. Stars gathered in clusters like scatters of glitter, I had never seen a sight that was so beautiful which was why I loved to come here. Not only did I think the stars were beautiful but I also found them fascinated, I could happily lay and watch them for hours.

I popped the lid from the bottle of beer and took a long swig of the delicious liquid but somehow it didn't feel so satisfying now. My mind had gone into overdrive, plagued by the thoughts of their constant betrayal. Tears begun to fall down my cheeks, the thought of staying in this town only to be held prisoner by my so called parents was unbearable. My life was dictated by people who didn't really care, but they had so much control over me that I had no choice but to be wrapped around their fingers.

I buried my face into my hands as uncontrollable sobs racked my body until I could barely breathe. The cold air stung my face where the tears left wet trails down my cheeks, and my body trembled with such a force that it made my muscles ache and I felt horribly sick. Never could my happiness last long enough for me to actually enjoy it because the things I promised to myself never happened, and not by any choice of my own. I needed someone, someone who would understand what I was going through. I dug my phone out of my pocket, scrolled through my contacts and quickly pressed call. I held the phone to my ear, pleading for her to answer with each ring that passed. Finally, Madison answered.

"Hey." She greeted simply. At hearing her voice, I had to stop another round of tears.

"Mads, I need you." I choked out, the scratchiness to my voice made it obvious that I had been crying. I heard shuffling at the other end of the phone; I could imagine her suddenly sitting up.

"Ashley, what's going on?" She asked quickly, her voice filled with concern. I heard her tell Aiden to shut up, and I would have either laughed or rolled my eyes if I wasn't so upset.

"It's my fucking parents; they're stopping me from going to Oxford. Mads, I can't stay here!" I blurted out, my words becoming a jumbled mess as I started to cry again.

"Ash, calm down, I can barely understand you. Why are they stopping you?"

I told her everything that there was to tell and even though it was only a short story, it was enough to fuel both the anger and despair that was raging within me. I placed my head between my knees, holding the phone closer to my ear as I built a cocoon with my own body.

"That's pretty shit babe, what are you going to do?"

_I don't know what to do, that's why I'm calling for your help_! I wanted to scream into the phone. I didn't think it was possible for me to be any angrier with Madison than I was in this moment. Why was she acting so calmly about this when her best friend was hysterical? She was being completely weird with me but I thought she'd at least have the decency to put her issues to the side and at least support me. I had to refrain from blowing up at her; I took a deep breath to calm myself.

"I don't know, I really don't know. Please, can you come and meet me?" I practically pleaded her. I could push aside the anger because right now I just needed my best friend, even if it was only for a hug.

But she hesitated, and within those few seconds I felt my heart drop…again.

"I don't know Ash, it's getting late and I have to go out tomorrow. I don't even know what to say so I wouldn't be much help anyway."

Her words hurt, actually physically hurt. The forced sympathy in her voice only made it worse, she was completely letting me down in my time of need.

"I don't care if you don't say anything; I just need you here even if it's only for five minutes. Please Madison!" I was full on pleading with her, with tears streaming down my face and my heart beating so fast that it made me feel sick.

"I'm sorry Ash but I really can't tonight. It will all work out, I promise. You should get some sleep so that you can think properly and –"

I cut her sentence short by throwing my phone as hard as I could possibly muster. I heard it practically explode as it hit the ground, pieces probably flying in every direction. A wave of tears hit me full on with such a crippling force that I had to curl into myself to try and stop the pain. Why did the people who were supposed to love me let me down in the worst possible ways?

My parents; no matter how hard I tried, it was never good enough. Even as they betrayed me, I still tried my hardest to be their perfect daughter but they weren't satisfied unless I was bending to their every wish, and I just couldn't take it anymore.

Madison – my supposed best friend – let boys come in between our friendship. She'd rather have a shag than see her best friend, even before things started to go weird between us. There were times when I'd stay up all night with her when she was upset about something. I let her scream and rant at me when she was angry, and I was a constant shoulder for her to cry on when she needed it. I skipped school for her, had ago at anyone who upset her. I'd go to her house at stupid o'clock in the morning whenever she asked me to and I constantly listened to her worries and problems, even when I thought she was overreacting. I did all those things not because I had to, but because I wanted to, and never once did I complain about doing it. Yet, she couldn't even come to see me, or try to console me when they took something that was important to me.

It just didn't make sense, any of it. What the hell was wrong with me?

I downed the four beers too quickly, and it wasn't enough to make me feel any better. I found half a packet of cigarettes within the glove box but I was crying too hard to even properly smoke one. I wanted to drive to the shops to buy more alcohol but I knew I was in no fit state to drive. That also meant that I was stranded for the night, which inevitably seemed like a better idea than going home anyway. There was no way I could face my parents now.

Eventually the cold became too much to ignore, and so I had to curl up on the backseat of my car. Tears still streaked my cheeks and I just couldn't seem to stop them, or the violent tremors that shook my body. I was a royal fucking mess. Eventually I got to the point where my throat felt scorched and I hiccupped with every breath. I couldn't even bear the thought of what I must have looked like. My head throbbed so painfully that it hurt to think, I was quite literally a quivering wreck.

It seemed like hours had passed before I slowly began to calm down, and my body felt completely battered. I no longer had the strength to do anything, it was hard to breathe. I pushed myself further into the seats to try and keep myself warm but as my eyes slowly began to droop, warmth was no longer a problem.

My last thoughts before I fell asleep were ones of logic. I couldn't continue living under everyone else's command; I was simply a shadow of the girl who I could be, an empty shell. But how could I stop it when I had no control whatsoever? Well, that was simple. I had to take control of my life, and I was going to do that by getting the hell out of this place.

**Please leave a review with your thoughts and opinions. The next chapter is going to be about Spencer, are you looking forward to it? The girl's aren't going to meet for another few chapters but I promise it'll be good…I hope! R&R please! :)**


	4. Chapter 4

**Thank you all so much for the reviews and alerts, I appreciate them so much! You guys are awesome, I'm glad that you guys believe that this story has potential :) This chapter is from Spencer's POV, it's only short but it's basically to show the difference between her and Ashley's lives. At any rate, I hope you guys enjoy it and please leave a review so I know what you thought :)**

Chapter 4  
>Spencer's POV<p>

_Nope, nope, nope. _

I had been going through these photographs for the best part of today, scanning every little detail of each individual picture to try and make a final decision, but I just couldn't. I buried my face into my hands and released a frustrated sigh. None of these girls' were what I wanted, their eyes held no passion for the topic at hand, or just for the job that they were supposed to love doing. They just weren't captivating. Call me picky, but I did my job for a reason, and those who worked with me needed to understand what I was doing. It was the reason why I preferred natural photography instead of taking pictures of silly young models who believed they had talent. Anyone could strike a fucking pose, for Christ sake. But they just did not stand out.

A soft hand pressed against my shoulder, soft fingers massaging into my tense muscles.

"Are they no good?" Cassidy asked softly as she looked over my shoulder at the photographs sprawled across my desk.

"No, and I'm running out of time Cass. These just aren't what I'm looking for." I explained sadly to my best friend as she continued to work her fingers into my shoulder. She stopped and wrapped her arms around my neck, resting her chin upon my head.

"You'll get there, you always do." She whispered soothingly. I smiled despite my foul mood.

"But I don't even know what I'm looking for; I just know it isn't this." I groaned into my hands.

Cassidy moved to sit down across from me and I looked up at her with a pout. She tried to look sympathetic but I could see that she was trying hard not to grin.

Cassidy had been my best friend since we were about five years old, and we were lucky to have a friendship that managed to survive for this long. We dated back in high school but it only lasted for a few months, being best friends made it far too weird. My attraction for Cass was what helped me to realise that I was gay, but after we dated we realised that attraction was as far as it went for the both of us. Kissing was hard enough, but trying to sleep together was quite literally impossible, so it never happened. Our friendship wasn't just some temperamental teenage friendship, and it had lasted 18 years and counting. Cassidy was family to me; in more ways than one considering her daughter was my niece.

"You always panic over these things Spence, but you always manage to sort it out, even if it is last minute. Something will come around that will blow your mind, just stop looking for it." She took my hand and grinned. As always, I smiled back. It was hard not to smile with Cassidy around, not only was she stunningly beautiful but she had the bubbliest personality.

Long, dark brown hair with black streaks through the sides fell past her collarbones and stopped above her breasts. Everything about Cassidy was small but adorable; she was short in height, about 5"3 and had a petite frame. Her eyes were a bright green flecked with yellow, and she had a cute button nose with small lips. Considering that it hadn't been long since she had given birth to her daughter, she still had a well-toned stomach yet she was still paranoid as hell about it. Cassidy was gay, but on a night of far too much alcohol, pent up frustration and the company of my brother Glen, she ended up sleeping with him. –Insert cringe here.-

It was nothing more than a one night stand for the both of them, and conceiving their daughter didn't change that. Glen could be an ass but he stepped up to the responsibilities of being a father and he cherished his daughter, just as Cass did. They were both good parents and remained as close friends, which made it much easier for them to raise their daughter as they were fortunate enough to be able to make civilised decisions. Plus, Allie was absolutely adorable and impossible not to love.

"I know it does and you're probably right. But I don't have a good feeling about this, it needs to be perfect."

I was helping for an article about bullying and diversity, involving self-harming and suicide. Obviously I was involving it around sexual orientation. There were many people – including homosexuals – who didn't realise just how hard it could be to be gay in this world. Some people go through no hassle at all apart from petty name calling, but others…they had to put up with the selfish, close minded pricks who believed that being gay was the worst thing in the world. I had heard stories – personal stories – about people being bullied because of their sexuality. Verbal abuse was bad enough but to actually hear about the physical abuse that some people went through was actually heart breaking. It disgusted me that some people in this world could stoop to such a low level, and how the thought of knowing that they were part of the cause for an individual to start self-harming and attempt suicide and not feel guilty about it was beyond me. Unfortunately, there were some ass holes in this world that couldn't give a shit about anything but themselves, and that was the reason why I had a passionate hate for the majority of humanity.

It angered me beyond belief, which was why I agreed to help with the article because it was combining two things of which I was passionate about. People needed to realise just how serious these situations could be, and the consequences of letting it be ignored. Nobody should be treated that way just for being different.

But the problem was I didn't know how to portray my thoughts and feeling through a photograph, not for this. The models didn't help either, to them, pulling a pose with a face that made them look constipated was more important than appearing like they actually cared about the reason behind the photo shoot. No, all that cared about was their pay check, hence why I was struggling. I was lucky to be twenty three years old and working my dream job, a successful job. But a job was still a job so I had a time limit and a lot of work to do. I raked my fingers through my hair and sighed, again.

"I need someone who shares this passion, someone who knows what it's like to be different and have people treated them differently because of it. I need someone who can draw out those emotions." I needed someone who had been broken.

"Well, you seriously need to stop paying out for these models," Cassidy said as she lifted up on of the photographs, a look of disgust crossing her face. "This girl looks like she's constipated."

I threw my head and laughed. It felt like forever since I had done so considering how long I had been working for, but it felt good, like I wasn't going crazy.

"Come on Spence, go to bed. You can sort this out later but you're knackered right now. Get some sleep." She said softly, her voice once again soothing me. I closed my eyes and allowed my mind to actually relax, and with each deep breath my body began to loosen, I really was tired.

I nodded weakly and pushed myself up from my chair, almost stumbling towards my bedroom. As I opened the door Cassidy spoke again.

"Something will come along Spence; I have a good feeling about this."

Again, I nodded and gave her a smile before closing the door. I was too tired to give a proper response; I could only hope that she was right.

**So what do you guys think? Please leave a review, it really helps to keep me motivated and they always make me smile. :) R&R!**


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